You’re stuck. Perhaps in your job or business. Or you can’t seem to stay on track with your weight loss goals. Maybe your finances are a mess.
Modern life throws a lot at us. But whatever is holding you back… you don’t have to go it alone.
Connie Clark, of Striving Forward Coaching, is a life coach. And she shares how professionals like her help clients get from wherever they are now to where they want to be in their lives.
Tune in to find out…
The crucial differences between a life coach and mentor
Why your goals must be measurable, reasonable, and achievable
The key to success in any coach-client relationship
How to determine if you need a coach… and how to find the right one
And more
Listen now…
Transcript:
Curry: Hello. This is John Curry. I have sitting with me today my friend Connie Clark, and I’m excited about interviewing Connie, because she is a life and wellness coach. Her Website is StrivingForwardCoaching.com. You’ll hear more about that later. But, Connie, thank you for joining me today. I’m looking forward to learning more about your coaching.
Clark: Oh, thank you so much for having me.
Curry: My pleasure. Let’s start off with the very first question, which is obvious. How about explaining to me and our listeners what a life coach is. What is it you actually do?
Clark: Okay. That could be a long answer, but I’ll give you the short version. So a life coach forms a partnership with a client, and basically we help people get from where they are right now to where they want to be. And that may sound like a simple process, but with working with many different people we see, you know, a lot of people just get stuck in areas of their lives. And sometimes they don’t really know that they are stuck or how they got stuck or how they get unstuck especially. So we just sort of help them break it down a little bit, going to their thoughts. Like, how did… what’s going on in their mind. And we talked about this earlier. A lot of people want to go right to the action. Like, show me what to do and how. You know, show me how to get there. Show me what I need to do.
Curry: That’s probably most of the men, right? They want to do it now.
Clark: Exactly. A few women are like that, as well. And what we try to do is, you know, actions are important. We hear Nike: “Just do it.” But it’s not that simple so we really need to back up. It starts in the thought process and that helps us figure out where we got there and then helps us to build some track and we pull out some tools. Mostly, it’s just asking a lot of questions and helping people really get to the part where they want to be and to have sustainable results, to be able to continue. And it’s not a quick fix.
Curry: You mentioned earlier that when you’re sitting with someone that you have tools to help them evaluate where they are today.
Clark: Right.
Curry: Would you take just a moment to kind of explain how that works?
Clark: Uh, yeah, there’s many different things, and after I work with somebody or a brief introduction, we’ll figure out, you know, what it is that I can best help them with during our time. A tool that I use often is called the wheel of life, and it takes just a few minutes. I especially use this in retreats. It’s great for groups or it’s great with individuals, and it has eight basic areas of our life. And by looking at each area, rating your satisfaction level with each one, it causes people again to get back to that part that says think. Let’s think about this part. For instance, one of the spokes of the wheel is personal development. Another one is your personal finance. Health and aging. So that’s just a few of them.
So there’s eight of these. And ranking that, people really think about it. And then we look at it and we see this wheel and we see where things are off balance and we see if these spokes are even or if there’s dips, there’s highs, and it really helps us to assess and it helps the client to look at this wheel and actually see where some areas are where they can make some improvement. So that’s kind of a beginning.
Curry: I like the metaphor of the wheel, because if any one spoke is loose or broken, the wheel is not going to go straight.
Clark: Exactly, exactly.
Curry: I keep listening to you and I’m thinking about in my work I let people do an assessment values in a secure retirement scorecard.
Clark: Right.
Curry: And what it does, it lets people determine for themselves where they are and what their priorities are without me lecturing to them. “Well, you got to do this. You got to do that.” I don’t think any of us like to be told what to do.
Clark: Right, right. It’s interesting. Some people do come to me and they want me to tell them how to fix something. And as a life coach, I’m not here to find the problem for you. You’re going to… in our talking we’ll discover that and discover solutions so we’re moving towards a positive part of that.
Curry: Very good. I’ll bet there are times when somebody will come to you with a, quote, problem and because of your interviewing process they discover, “Gosh, that’s really not the problem. It’s something else.” That might be the root; it might be the result of the problem. Is that right?
Clark: That’s very true, very intuitive. And a lot of this… you know, I’ll just back up. In our world today we’re so quick. We have so much technology. We’re so efficient. We just want to get to the answer quickly, okay?
Curry: So true.
Clark: We’re all guilty of that; however, in this process it does help. It helps us to just slow down and by focusing on that, and as we talk a little bit and take the time to talk, it’s a discovery time, much like your security retirement program. It’s pulling that out.
Curry: And I find… and I bet you do, too… it’s hard to get people just to slow down and be present. They’re thinking about the future, worrying about something, or they’re dwelling on the past. If I can just get them to sit and have a conversation like we’re doing now, then they forget about time and they have a conversation. And many times, I bet they’re telling you, “Here’s what I need to do,” and then once you work through it, they’re able to get going.
Clark: Exactly, exactly. And one of the other tools that I use is also Aim-SMART and it’s used in a lot of different ways in many areas of business, with different names but it’s basically a goal worksheet. It helps us to really break things down and that’s an important part of coaching, too. Again, to just take the time, break it down. We look at an issue and it can seem overwhelming. So we help people break it down so that they have manageable goals. And we always pick, like, you know, what’s your acceptable goal? What’s your ideal goal? And what would you settle for? What would be the middle? And then get very specific, you know. What’s the first step? And they’re like, “I’m going to save $100 this week.” Or, “I’m going to put away $1,000 this month.” Okay, let’s break it down a little bit more. How is that going to happen? And so you make sure it’s measurable. You make sure it’s achievable. Make sure it’s reasonable. It may not be reasonable. I have this with some people that have come to me with help for weight loss. And they say, “I’ve got this big reunion coming up.” Sound familiar?
Curry: Tomorrow. I need to lose 50 pounds.
Clark: Well, you know, “I want to lose 20, 30 pounds in two weeks.” And so, as a coach, I cannot judge. I’m not going to look at you, John, and say, “John, that’s crazy. You’re not going to do it.” Because you could do it. Maybe you could. But I just ask the questions, you know. “So how would that look? So what does that mean for this week?” So we work through this and I say, “Is that your ideal goal?” Or “What would be your minimal goal?” And so we work through it, and then, you know, I get to the point, “Is this reasonable?” And it’s like no. Sometimes we back up and go back through it.
And so I had this with a client one time so she got down to that. That was her goal and she said, “You know, if I could get into this size pants by three months, I’d be happy.” And it was a much more attainable goal. And I didn’t tell her that. I didn’t say she couldn’t do it. I didn’t say, “This is what you can do.”
Curry: She discovered for herself.
Clark: She discovered for herself.
Curry: What does the “T” stand for?
Clark: The “T”?
Curry: You said specific, measurable, achievable, reasonable, and then I didn’t catch the “T.”
Clark: Time oriented. I’m sorry.
Curry: So it’s got a timeline on it.
Clark: Exactly. And again, breaking it down. Not, “When are you going to lose that 30 pounds.” Or not, “When are you going to get into that size six pant?” “When are you going to complete that first step?” So we’ve already… so this is also helping us with that action plan. You know, what is it going to take to get there, you know? “I think I’ll stop eating that hamburger for lunch.” Okay.
Curry: Or butter pecan ice cream at night.
Clark: Or, “I think I won’t…” Yes, exactly. So, when you’re going to complete the first step and, again, we’re breaking it down. And the last part of this is, “Who will you be accountable to?” We are human beings. We are meant for relationships. So we connect and we need to be accountable. And a lot of times it’s someone in their family, someone that they work with that they can be accountable to, and I’m always that person they can be accountable to, and I will ask them, “How do you want me to hold you accountable?” So whatever, I mean, some people want, you know… I will text them at six o’clock tomorrow if they want me to. Or I will be as strong as they want me to be. I will be as passive as they want me to be, but I want you the client to tell me how to do that.
Curry: See, you’re a lot nicer than some of the coaches I’ve…
Clark: (Laughter)
Curry: I’ve been doing this for 42 years and I’ve used various coaches.
Clark: Okay.
Curry: And I have two guys… or three that are named Steve actually, but one in particular, his style is like a drill sergeant in the military. He is judgmental. He’ll say what he thinks in his world. But people love that about him because people who come to him have more of a military background. They have a lawyer background, and some say, “I want to get this done. I want to get it done now. Don’t waste any time.” But then, there are other people who he turns off because they say, “Whoa, too strong for me.”
Clark: Right, right.
Curry: “Too strong for me.” Connie, tell us the difference between a life coach and a therapist or a mentor. What’s the difference?
Clark: Okay, that’s a very good question. So a therapist usually deals with problems and there’s usually a lot of things in the past. If someone’s coming to a therapist or a counselor, there are probably some issues that aren’t just day to day, but there may be some things from the past. And a lot of times it could include mental illness. So those are not things that a coach deals with. We are working with helping clients find solutions. In our discussion there may be some things that come up in the past and we may address that, but if it’s deep-rooted things, that gets into the psychological and that’s not something I was trained in. I’m trained in the skills to work with you where you’re at right now. Again, understanding that these things come in.
So… and I think the main emphasis would be on solution-based, and usually it’s a shorter-term relationship with a coach. I’ve had clients that I’ve had for a long time, but it’s not around the same issue, where in counseling and therapy it may be the same issue. So that’s one of the differences.
A mentor is usually someone that is in your same line of business or in a very similar field that you’re in or life place that you’re at, kind of someone who’s been there, done thatm and can help advise someone who’s usually a little younger or less experienced in that field. So they’re somebody that walks alongside.
And so, again, we differ because I may have similar experiences to a client and that might be one of the attractions that pulls us together while we’re working together; yet, I don’t bring my personal into our coaching sessions. The session is about you, the client; it’s not about me. I have clients that will ask me something and say, “Do you mind if I ask you how you did this or how you handled this?” So I will answer that in the best way. But, again, I’m always mindful that it’s about the client so I’m not bringing my personal into that, where a mentor is going to bring in a lot of their life relationships.
Curry: You pretty much have to in a case like that.
Clark: Absolutely.
Curry: Would you share… just briefly share the story you told me before we turned the recorder on about when you were a teacher helping the child about the dinosaur.
Clark: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Thank you.
Curry: I think it emphasizes very much what you’re saying because it is about the client.
Clark: Right, right.
Curry: It’s the client that you want to help. It’s not all about how important you are or how important I am working with a client. It’s all about the client. And if we can deliver that, then the client has a better result.
Clark: Absolutely, yeah.
Curry: Take a moment and share that.
Clark: So I told John that beside my desk or phone I actually have several little pieces of Legos in different places where I, you know, I’m working with a client or talking with them on the phone. Several years ago I was a substitute teacher and I was in a kindergarten classroom and working with little Johnny and he came up to me all excited. “Miss Clark, I want to build a dinosaur.”
“Oh, great! Here’s the Legos.” So I pointed to the Legos. He pulls them out. And then I think, “Oh, wow! Here’s some books on dinosaurs. Let’s find a really cool dinosaur.” So I’m flipping through the book and I find some cool ones. So I’m helping him. I’m cheering him on, but I’m also giving suggestions of where some of the Legos might go to make it look like a dinosaur. So at the very end he’s still excited and he finally finishes and I’m thinking, “Oh, you’re finished?”
He goes, “I’m finished.” He goes, “What do you think?”
I just stopped and I looked at it and it’s like, what? It looked nothing like a dinosaur, but I’m like, “Oh, Johnny, that’s great! That’s a great dinosaur. Good job.” And so that was just, like, my aha. You know? A lot of times we can see people going down that track and we think we know more. We think we know how to pull them back in, but it’s… you know, we don’t know everything about everybody. We don’t know where they’re coming from. We don’t know, you know, where they’re going to end up. We do know that it is their journey. And I’m just….
Curry: It’s his dinosaur.
Clark: It’s his dinosaur. So, when I’m talking to a client, I’m just mindful to ask the questions and let them answer and not bring any judgment into it, not bring advice into it. I am that sounding board and I’m trying to listen very carefully so that I can ask the next question that’s going to draw them out a little bit more. I’m not leading them. I’m just helping them to continue to think through the issue that we’re talking about and to help them pull that out.
Curry: I like that. So what you’re doing is you’re giving people a safe space to be in to discuss things that are causing them pain perhaps, or they’re stuck and not quite sure where to go. So you’re giving them a safe environment to have a conversation with someone who’s trained to unlock the stuff, and from what you’re saying, it sounds to me like that you’re answering questions that would allow me to figure out some of the problems myself or the solutions.
Clark: And that’s really key. Thanks for saying that, because really the answer lies with the client. And we always say the agenda; it’s the client’s agenda. I go in with notes. I go in with some tools I want to use, but it really is led by the client. They could decide they want to go off in a different way, and I’m going to go with them.
Curry: Well, the reality is you don’t really care where they go because you have no set agenda yourself. So you’re there to serve your client. I think that if you’re truly serving your client wherever they go, even if they veer off and come back on the topic, it’s okay.
Clark: Right, right.
Curry: Tell me this. How did you become a life coach? What caused you to do this?
Clark: Well, I’ve always been interested in how the mind works and I actually have a minor in psychology, which is probably just a little dangerous, but, you know, we’ve all read self-help books and I was just intrigued by that. And I happened to see that there was an intro to life coaching course. It was at the Center for Biblical Studies. I thought, hmmm, that sounds interesting. So it was a six-week course and I learned a lot, and what I really learned was, like, this is really cool. This is foundational stuff. It’s not all woohoo kind of thing stuff. It’s good, you know, good basics.
So, from there, I started researching companies, and I knew that I wanted to… I didn’t want to just do an online class. I work better with different modules and I wanted to be in a classroom. I wanted to do actual coaching with people face to face. So I did choose IPEC. That’s the company that I went with and so I had to go out of town for my training, long weekends three times during the year. In-between, of course, there were some community calls. There was a lot of course work that I had to do. I had to do peer coaching. I had to do a lot of complimentary coaching sessions of everybody in my family and their friends. I mean, they are coached up.
But I learned that, wow, I’ve really enjoyed it. I enjoyed learning this process, and I shared with you that halfway through this process I got diagnosed with cancer and I am and was before this a very positive person. But the coaching really did help me kind of dig in, because when you are faced with a lot of decisions and, you know, things with health, it really does cause you to pause and, like, okay, what do I do now? How do I carry it? How do I handle this and how do I carry on?
So the coaching just really helped me get through that. I had coaches in my life. I continue to self-coach. I continued to, you know, just be positive through this and got through it very well. And, let’s see, from there… what else from there?
Curry: I like your story from the standpoint, so you didn’t give up.
Clark: Did not give up.
Curry: You didn’t go, “Woe is me. Poor little me.” You got involved and you turned its spotlight on others, and that is one of the things that I love about you in the sense that it’s not all about Connie. It’s how can I help other people. That’s why I was excited about doing this recording because there were so many people out there that I believe would benefit so much from just having a… if they only had one session, they would benefit. The people that choose to sit with you and have three or four or five conversations are going to do much better because you can’t solve issues in a one-shot deal.
Clark: No, no.
Curry: You can’t do that. And thanks for sharing your personal story there about the cancer. Let’s talk about this. So let’s say I’m listening to this and I’m asking this question. Okay, how would I know if I need a coach and how would I go about determining who to hire as a coach?
Clark: Okay. Fair question. You can go on the Website, you know, pull up life coaching, find different sites. My site is on there. I’m Striving Forward Coaching so you could check out what I do a little bit and see if it’s a good fit. But we all have a lot of different specialties. I do life and wellness coaching, but in my wellness, I believe in the whole body, you know, not just the physical… the mental, spiritual, mental, as well. So bringing all those parts in I think makes us healthy. So that’s what I’m interested in, in helping people, so it’s not all about… some people think it’s just about, you know, personal training or weight loss or whatever. It could be, but it really is bringing the right fit. Am I the right fit for this person?
So, and one of the things I like to do, John, is I offer complimentary sessions. So, if you’re interested and you feel like, “Yeah, I don’t want to commit. I don’t really, still don’t understand it,” I’ll do a comp session for about 20 minutes and it’ll give you a few of the basics, tell you a little bit about coaching. And then we’ll just kind of jump in and say, “Do you have something that you want to talk about today? You feel a little stuck?” If you just, “No, not really, I’m okay.”
Curry: That’s funny.
Clark: Then I’m going to ask you some questions and draw it out. And I’ll tell you, sometimes I do this sometimes on the phone, face to face like we are now. A lot of times we’ll go for a walk, and, you know, I’ve got people who want to walk, so, you know, we can meet for a walk. And I love to meet and walk sometimes because that person… I like eye contact. Yet some people, it’s just more comfortable. If you’re walking, you’ll not have to look at each other. So I’ve done coaching sessions when the client wants to do it on a walk. I’m good, and I’ve learned to take notes. I’ve learned to remember things. So that works. So I would say try it out. Any coach should offer a comp session or be able to answer some questions.
Curry: I like it. So try before you buy.
Clark: Exactly, exactly, right.
Curry: I’m especially intrigued by the idea of doing the walking. I like walking in the woods. I never thought about having… but as I think it through, the truth is, going back to the role of a mentor, I remember many times with taking a walk with some friends in New York City and we’re talking business the whole time we’re walking.
Clark: Right.
Curry: And that was a form of mentoring or coaching even then while walking. And I didn’t think about it until you just said that.
Clark: Absolutely, and, you know, us busy people and productive people like to get a lot done.
Curry: Oh, absolutely. Don’t we ever. And so let’s talk a little bit about what are some of the key factors for a successful coaching relationship. Tell me a little bit about, if I’m hiring you to be my coach, what are some of the ways we’ll know if it’s a successful relationship.
Clark: Okay. Yeah, very good question. So some of the… a coaching relationship is first of all a partnership and it’s built on honesty. So you’ve got to be able to trust me and as a client you need to be honest with me.
Curry: Right, because you can’t help me if I don’t give you the facts.
Clark: Absolutely, absolutely, or where you want to go. Yeah, so definitely confidentiality is key. The client’s got to know that, you know, everything they say is confidential, of course. Accountability is key to know that you can hold me as a coach or you can come to me for accountability, that I’m allowed… you’re allowing me to hold you accountable. So, you know, it’s establishing that relationship so it gets back to the relationship. So that really is the key, is do you trust me enough; you’re going to let me help you by helping to hold you accountable.
I mean, I’ve had clients that say, “I’m going to do this. I’m going to do this.” And, you know, I’ll check with them and they haven’t done that. So the next session I’ll have to say… and another important part is no judgment. I’m not going to judge you if you didn’t do XYZ. I mean, I don’t know what happened in your life that day, something. So I can’t judge that. However, I can come back to you in the next session and say, “John, so, in our last…” I’ll recap our last session… “you agreed to do XYZ. And tell me what happened that week.” So, again, I’m not going to say, “Why didn’t you do it?” or, “Bad boy.” It’s like, “So tell me what happened,” you know. So you’re going to tell me why or tell me your story, and then you may end up with, “Yeah, I know I should’ve done that.”
“So let’s back up. So you want me to send this text to you or you texted me. So how can I better hold you accountable?” So we’ll kind of back up. You know, we’ll kind of make it a little stronger, but again, you’ve got to tell me, “How hard can I push?”
Curry: What’s going through my mind is you might be too nice at times.
Clark: And I’ve learned. I’ve learned. And I will push. You just learn. And that’s, again, that’s part of the relationship, the honesty, figuring each other out…
Curry: I’ve used some coaches…
Clark: … how to make it work.
Curry: … in 42 years of business and some of them will say, “If you’re not going to do the homework assignment as we agreed to, I don’t want to be your coach.” They’re pretty tough.
Clark: Well, there is that saying, “I cannot work harder than the client.” And I have tried. In my early years I tried to do a lot of work for them. And if you’re not willing to do the work, it’s not going to work.
Curry: My way of saying that is, when you give up as a client, I give up.
Clark: That’s very, very good.
Curry: If you’re not willing to put in the work and the effort, then why should I? I have other people who need to occupy those chairs. Take care of the ones who want help. “You can come back and get in line, but you’re in the back of the line now and I’ve got to help the people that are committed.”
Clark: Absolutely.
Curry: Love it. What are some of the challenges that you help clients with?
Clark: We’ve addressed some of these. I think as we said, you know, a lot of my clients are around their fifties and we know that things change. We’re not in our twenties any more. There are more challenges around health. It could be a diagnosis. I mean, I do help some people who are going through, you know, disease challenges, but a lot of it is just realizing that, you know, I’ve had some on too many medications. You know, they’ll say, “I don’t want to be on all of these meds, and I know if I lost weight this would help. I know if I did this,” you know, so we kind of break it down. And so I help meet them there with the help.
Career changes, a lot of people, you know, our age are changing jobs, scaling back, or reassessing. And that’s why they come to you to get some of the, you know, “What do we do with our money at this point?” But just helping them to figure out what they really want to be doing at this point.
Getting unstuck, we talked about that a little bit. There’s just a lot of times people don’t use that word “stuck,” but…
Curry: What do they use? What do they use?
Clark: “Yeah, you know, I just can’t seem to focus on something.” Or, “I’m trying to decide if I want to go back to school or do this.” So a lot of times it’s a decision between two or three things. A lot of times it’s just they can’t really pinpoint it. But, again, “focus” might be one of the words they say. “I just can’t quite focus.” Or it’s being in a rut, it’s kind of being in a rut.
Curry: So they know something’s wrong but they can’t identify it?
Clark: Yes, yes. Or, you know, with weight, it’s like, you know, “I just can’t seem to stick to a plan. I joined the gym but I don’t go.” So a lot of, you know, those are stuck, those are ruts. I’ve got this saying that I think I shared with you, one of my favorite sayings. It’s by L.J. Peter. It says, “In spite of warnings nothing much happens until the status quo becomes more painful than the change.” So a lot of times, sometimes, people have to almost, like, hit that wall. And usually, in our day-to-day life, there aren’t that many big walls that we’re hitting, but they’re smaller walls, that thing that’s, you know, pushing up against and we’re like, aww. And then one day we may just realize, like, being here and not being able to move past this way, I mean, this is hard, you know. Maybe it’s going to be easier to figure out some ways to get around it, so….
Curry: I like that analogy. That’s good. So maybe it’s not a huge wall but it’s enough that it’s deterring the person, making them hesitate and not take action.
Clark: Exactly. And that wall could be causing a lot of problems. Maybe it’s causing problems in their family. They get, you know, just a lot of… they can’t go other places.
Curry: Let’s go a little deeper with that. What are some of the main ways you see people getting stuck?
Clark: We have a few things that we see in coaching, one thing we’ll call the gremlins. Now, the gremlin is that ugly little guy that might jump on your….
Curry: I remember the movie, “The Gremlins.” Remember that?
Clark: Think of that little guy, think about him jumping on your shoulder and just, you know, once in a while he just sneaks up there and it’s like, “You’re not good enough. You can’t do that.” Or “Why do you think you can do that?” So it’s like we call it the gremlin because it’s always something negative and they’re just kind of eating at you. It may be self-doubt. It may be someone that says, “I’m not smart enough. I’m not thin enough. I’m not…” you know, it’s usually that “I’m not enough.”
Curry: I’m too old. I’m too young.
Clark: Exactly, there’s that. So it’s really you kind of help people with awareness of that, you know. And that is going to creep up. This is human nature, you know. There are going to be those things because we’ve gone through a lot of things in our lives, so there’s going to be those things. And it helps them to be aware of it as soon as we name it and, you know, say, “Well, you’re leaving. I’m not listening to you today.” So….
Curry: I like that. Lock him up in a corner.
Clark: Exactly. Assumptions, a lot of people think, you know, maybe because it’s happened before in their life that it’s going to happen again. Like, “Oh, I can’t. There’s no need to apply for another job because, you know, I got turned down last year for this job.” And just because it happened once, you know, or “I can’t lose the weight. I tried last year,” and just because it happened once it doesn’t mean the same thing is going to happen again, because you can make some changes around that. So, assumptions.
Interpretations, we see things, you know, the way we’ve been brought up, the way our circumstances are. We may see things one way, and we help people look at things a different way. With my cancer, from the beginning, actually, there were so many people that had cancer and a lot of my friends when I was diagnosed said, “You’re wanting to help these people we know.” I’m a marathoner, I eat well, I do… and it’s like, you know, look around us. I mean, it’s everywhere, and it’s like my mantra was always not why me but why not me. You know? What’s so special about me? You know, why not me? So again, our interpretations of things.
And then, limiting beliefs. How true is this statement now? How true is this? Just because it was true back then or just because it happened then, really how true is it now? So we just come into this world with a lot of baggage. And people come into our sessions with a lot of baggage, so it’s just kind of helping them. And it seems like, well, we know that; we know that. And most of my clients are smart people. They’ve been through a lot, but it’s, you know, we all benefit from someone helping us break it down and asking those important questions so that they can actually see it and then begin to make those changes that are going to be sustainable in their life.
Curry: I heard a speaker say one time that the three most dangerous words in the English language are “I know that,” because the minute you say, “I know that,” you shut down all receptors to learn something new. So, “I know that, Connie, I have this problem, but I don’t really want to do what it takes to solve the problem.”
Clark: Right, right.
Curry: Let’s talk a little bit about how you work with clients. I know you do one-on-one sessions. Do you do group sessions? Do you do retreats? Talk a little bit about that.
Clark: Oh, yeah. Yes. I love doing it all, and I’ll tell you that, with one-on-one, I prefer to meet with people in person, but I’ve done coaching sessions with people, you know, out of town so we do phone sessions. That works very well.
Group coaching, I’ve had people come to me who had a common interest so that helps me. And I develop an individual plan. I find out how long they want to meet, what they want to meet around and so I’ll pull together things that we need together as a group, addressing things that are in common, but I always make sure that we’ve got some one-on-one time so that everybody has chances to just meet privately and away from the group and have that one-on-one time with me, so we build that in, as well.
Day retreats done at the beach, which are wonderful. We have wonderful beaches just an hour from here, so it’s nice to just drive and they get a little bit of just letting-go time, and we’ve had retreats again with certain…. One of the last ones I did was on abundance, you know, how to have the abundant life. And just bringing in maybe some brainstorming. We’ve done some vision boards to help them really kind of just let go. And I love retreats because it really is time that they are spending just on themselves. We don’t have other interruptions, and at the end of the day, I mean, most of my clients, you know, say they are relaxed. They’ve got some tools to take home with them. They’ve got some things to think about. We haven’t solved everything, but it gets them thinking and then they have the opportunity to work with me later. And I always follow up with anyone from a retreat to see, you know, if they’ve got any questions.
Curry: I like it. Is that something where you could help me create a client event where at our training center you could teach say an hour, an hour and a half?
Clark: Oh, absolutely. I’ve done many retreats where I speak, you know. That’s a great length of time and through that we can do some things. And it just depends on, you know, again, who’s coming. You know, kind of figure out what might be the best… some of the best tools to use, but a lot of times we do something called the wheel of life, which I explained earlier, just to help people. They don’t know what they really want to work on, how to look at their life as a whole and find the part they might want to zero in on. And I’ve done luncheons, as well, so people can bring their lunch and in an hour we can do some goal setting. And I’ve done that before, too.
Curry: We can talk some more later offline but I think there’s a tremendous opportunity for you to be a guest speaker at some of my seminars or even webinars, because what you’re doing is so important. You’re digging into a lot more depth today than I thought we would so I thank you for that.
Let’s talk a little bit about how a typical coaching session would go with you. So I meet with you; I’ve done my complimentary one, and we’re now sitting together and I walk in and I say I’ve got this problem or an issue where I’m stuck. Walk me through a little bit about the mechanics of how this coaching session might go.
Clark: Oh, okay, okay. We have touched on some of this so I’m going to kind of just start you from the beginning. So we’ve had the complimentary session, like you said, so you know a little bit about me, a little bit about what it is. So you would come to me. You know, I would find out if there’s something specific that you want to work on, and maybe that was determined in the complimentary session. And if not, and a lot of times in the complimentary session I may ask you, if I were a genie and could grant you three wishes today, right not, what would you want? Anything, anything at all. Ask me for anything. And so that just gets the brain fired up and really thinking about, “What is it I want?” And that’s, again, it sounds like an easy question, but it’s not always easy, you know, and it may be, if someone says, “I’d love to have, you know, a hundred million dollars right now. I’d never have to work again and have all this money.” Well, that’s not feasible, but, you know, if they came to you with that, then you could help them figure out financially….
Curry: I can’t give them a hundred million dollars though.
Clark: Not that much, but you could break it down. Well, okay, so, yeah. So anyway, so we know that stability, you know. We know some things that are important to them. If they come up with that. If they want to go on this fabulous trip, you know. Maybe they’re on a fixed income and so maybe, you know, I help them. So if that’s an important thing, help them figure out how to live their life so that they can put aside that money and make priorities or whatever.
So, again, it’s really establishing that relationship. That is key in the first session, because in the complimentary, you’re not trusting me yet. You’re just finding out about me. Session one, we’re building that trust, learning. I’m learning how you want to be coached and you’re, you know, asking me the questions. So we may expand on the wheel of life if you need a little more direction, and then, we’ll continue to work through, again, through a lot of questions, you know. There may be some things that you’re stuck in and we’ll address that. Again, we’ll kind of come up with a game plan.
Curry: I like it.
Clark: Yes.
Curry: I like it. All right. I know we need to wind down here in a minute, but let’s talk a little bit about how would I… if I’m listening to this, how would I determine if coaching is right for me? You’ve already said that you do some over the phone, so if somebody is listening to this and they’re in Miami, Florida, or they’re in Cleveland, Ohio, they can call you. We’ll give the contact information so they can have that conversation, but what are some the things that will happen for me to realize that coaching is right for me? Or how do I know coaching’s not right for me, whichever way you want to approach it.
Clark: Okay, okay. You know that the beauty of coaching is it’s, when I sign on a client, I don’t make you sign a contract to say you’re going to meet with me for a year or you’re going to meet me for a certain amount of time. Sometimes it doesn’t take very long to work through issues, and sometimes it is a longer term. So I say that because as a coach we will work with a client how ever they want to be worked with. So the main thing is to reach out.
You can check out my Website, Striving Forward Coaching, and learn a little more about coaching and learn a little bit more about me, if there’s a connection with me. And, again, by letting me do a 20-minute comp session with you and I’ll ask that question, you know, if you really don’t know, like, “I feel like there’s something missing in my life or something could be better.” And I’ll say this to most of my clients, it’s not like they have these huge issues or huge problems or they’re like, “Woe is me.” Most of them have a good life and they’re enjoying life, but they know it could be better. So that’s where… that’s probably the key with a lot of people around our age.
You know, we’re not going to solve these deep, deep problems that started in childhood through coaching probably. I can help with some, but a lot of people want life to be better. They want to live their best life so that’s really the exciting part. We talk about fear based and value based. If you know you have to do something, how much energy are you going to have around that? You know, there’s not going to be as much. If there’s something you want to do, you’re going to have a lot more energy towards that and working towards that.
Curry: Absolutely.
Clark: So that’s where I really try to meet people, is at the way they think they want to do and there’s more energy and much better success.
Curry: You struck a nerve with me awhile ago. You talked about abundance, because I teach the concept all the time of abundance thinking versus scarcity thinking.
Clark: Right.
Curry: Love thinking versus fear.
Clark: Right.
Curry: And I’m listening to the things you’re saying, and the truth is all of us can benefit from coaching in one degree or another.
Clark: Right.
Curry: And I know I think back to times in my life. I had different coaches. I had a business coach, a physical fitness coach. When I had my heart surgery back in 2008, I made a commitment that I was going to work on my fitness and wellness, eat, sleep better, work out, and it’s made a huge, huge impact on my life.
Clark: Right.
Curry: A huge impact, so I’m glad you’re doing the wellness side, too. Connie, I want you to explain something. On your business card I see the letters “CPC” after your name. What is that?
Clark: It’s certified professional coach.
Curry: Okay, so you have certification. So talk just a little bit about… because you were telling me offline some ridiculous amount of time, like 250 hours of training you had just to become a coach. So talk a little bit about that, because, if I’m listening to this, I may be saying, “Well, how do I know that you’re qualified to be giving me advice or coaching me or guiding me?” So talk a little bit about your training and then I want us to wrap up by giving people your contact information, but tell us a little bit about what that coaching training means.
Clark: Oh, okay, okay. So the coach training, as I said before, I didn’t want to just do an online class and do the minimum. I knew I wanted to do an intensive course, and IPEC delivered that with three three-day weekends away. It was a very intensive time of away and getting lots of instruction and one-on-one and time to be in front of and present and all of that kind of stuff under the classroom. In-between it was the textbook work. It was the coaching work. It was a lot of things, but that encompassed 250 hours of time. So….
Curry: That’s a lot, it’s a big commitment.
Clark: That is. That is a big commitment.
Curry: Big commitment.
Clark: And then I went on to get another certification, energy leadership, so that’s another thing that I can bring to the table.
Curry: Very good, very good.
Clark: So I will tell you my name again is Connie Clark. I can be reached by email, which is cdclark54@gmail.com, and my information can also be found on my Website, which is StrivingForwardCoaching.com.
Curry: Connie, thank you for sharing your information. It’s obvious from talking with you today that you believe in creating value for people and you help pull information out of people to help them get where they want to go. Thank you so much for the time.
Clark: Thank you so much, John. I appreciate the time.
Curry: My pleasure.
If you'd like to know more about John Curry's services, you can request a complimentary information package by visiting johnhcurry.com/podcast. Again, that is johnhcurry.com/podcast. Or you can call his office at 850-562-3000. Again, that is 850-562-3000. John H. Curry chartered life underwriter, chartered financial consultant, accredited estate planner, masters in science and financial services, certified in long-term care, registered representative and financial advisor at Park Avenue Securities LLC.
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