In today’s episode, I sit down with my friend Steve Gordon to talk about overcoming adversity, or how to deal with life's ambushes.
You may already know my story, but if you haven’t listened lately, we’ll catch you up on one of those life changing ambushes I faced earlier this year. What I went through was by far the most difficult, life changing, game changing event I’ve ever faced, yet it's given me insight and wisdom I wouldn’t have gotten otherwise.
Listen as Steve and I walk through what happened, and how I got to the milestone where I am today, as well as:
The first thing you need to do when a life-changing event drops into your life
How to quickly get past agonizing and into action mode when presented with a problem—I share the two things that helped me remain calm in the face of such adversity
Breakthrough solutions to reset and refocus your mindset
The real reason we don’t get what we want and how to change your focus so you do
And much more
Mentioned in this episode:
Phone: 850-562-3000
Transcript
Steve Gordon: Welcome to a joint episode of The Unstoppable CEO podcast, The Advisor Inner Circle podcast and John Curry's Secure Retirement podcast. My name is Steve Gordon and I'm sitting here today across the table from my good friend and client, John Curry. And John, welcome. Good to see you again.
John Curry: Steve, good to see you.
Steve: It's very good to see you again. And we'll get into why. I said it that way in a minute. But folks, if you notice that the audio is a little bit different on this one, we're not in our normal recording situation. So that's okay, we're gonna we're gonna go forward anyway, and make the best of it.
John: No studio today, just using the recorder between us.
Steve: That's right.
John: So this is more natural.
Steve: Exactly. So, John, you've had a heck of a year. I know some of the folks listening will kind of know what's happened. But a lot of folks may be listening to this for the first time and haven't heard what's happened, I guess to you would be the right way. Over the last over the last year or so, give us give us a quick update.
John: Okay. Well, first of all, it's nice to be here. And I'm glad we're sharing this with our friends out there. It all started February 25th. I was having some severe pain in my right leg. I was thinking it might be a nerve issue. But in 2019, I had aneurysms, and they put stents in both my legs. So I went to the vascular surgeon, they checked me out the very next day said no, it's not that. Must be nerves. So to shorten a long story between me going between a vascular surgeon and a neurosurgeons office, I ended up in the hospital. They did a bypass to try to save my right leg, that the bypass did not work. That was on March 11th.
So March 14th, Sunday, March 14th, they took my leg because if they didn't take, amputate the poisoning that was coming up my leg, this leg would get to my kidneys and kill me. So amputation. Got out. Had in home health care, was doing well, I had an infection. And the surgeon and I both were concerned about the left leg, okay, what if the same thing occurs? So March 11th, I go back in for surgery, they cut a hole the size of a tennis ball in my right leg were the infection was. And they did a bypass of the stint in my left leg to avoid it going bad and having another clot. So first time I was in the hospital a week, two weeks in rehab. The second time, one week in the hospital, three weeks in rehab. So I asked him I said, why is it gonna take so long?
They said well, you've done the same people have before. So we had a good relationship, you dummy. Before you had one good leg, now, you got two bad legs. So it's gonna take longer. Makes sense. And I was bedridden for 12 days. So being as hardheaded and determined as I am and I worked everyday extra with therapists, when they let me go back, sneak back in and have an extra session that would or get on the machines, I would do that. And most recently, just two weeks ago, Wednesday, this week two weeks ago, my prosthesis. And I went from there right over to the hospital that day, checked myself in at a rehab hospital was there for nine days, three hours a day of therapy. To get me to the point of where you saw me walk in with crutches in your back door earlier coming up the steps.
Steve: That's right. That's right.
John: Why don't you share about what happened last time I was here.
Steve: The last time, John, came with a wheelchair. And of course, we have a couple of steps to get into the house. And and he didn't he didn't successfully traverse the steps, we'll just put it at that.
John: I failed.
Steve: We're talking about failure. So. So really, the title of today's episode is how to learn from a deal with life's ambushes. And we're going to talk about that I think from a lot of different angles today. A lot of the lessons that I think have come out of this will relate to personal life, they'll relate to business. I think I think there'll be a lot of good things and some insights that everybody will take away from this. And so I'm excited for the conversation, John. So this has not been an easy process. I think that's probably putting it mildly.
John: This is the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with in my life, including military training, including kickboxing in Thailand, including open heart surgery 2008. This is by far the most difficult, life changing game changing event at the same time as challenging as hell. It is, it's given me insight and wisdom, I wouldn't have gotten otherwise.
Steve: Yeah, you know, I've told you this privately, I've tried to imagine what it would be like, you know, and really from the that day, in March the 14th, you called me and said, this is what's happening. And I was driving to pick our daughter up from college. I was by myself at the time.
John: I remember clearly.
Steve: Yeah, the, the thought I had two hours in the car by myself. And the thought that kept going through my head was, how would I react if it were me? And the truth is that none of us know until we face it.
John: True.
Steve: And I've noticed that every time that I've mentioned to someone, what you're going through, you can see the look on their face, you know, it's they immediately sort of turn inward and go, oh, that's kind of horrific. It's that kind of horrific. It is horrific. What would I do? How would I react, you can see that that thought process go through just about everybody's head, you can see it on their face, when you tell him that I've observed that. And I don't think any of us can know.
John: You can't know, but let me tell what I'm telling everyone. It happened this morning in therapy, because I have almost two hours of therapy before I came to see you. Gentlemen came over to see me. Probably about my age 68, maybe 70. He said, I don't know how you're doing what you're doing. I've got can never do that. I said sure you could. Every one of you listening to this could and you would in your own way. Because what's the alternative? You're gonna crawl into a fetal position, suck your thumb and give up? Are you going to fight like hell to get your life back?
So I've given up a lot. A lot. And I want it all back. And I'm going to have it. I know it. I don't believe it. I know it. There's a difference between believing something. And knowing something. Believing something is what you've learned for someone else. Knowing something is what you've learned, from your own experiences good and bad. So you want to know it? Or do you want to believe it? I'd rather know it.
Steve: I want to take you back to that Sunday in the hospital. Doctor comes in, shares some pretty shocking news with you.
John: Yes.
Steve: I talked to you shortly thereafter.
John: You were my third phone call. Yeah, you were girlfriend, brother, you.
Steve: You were amazingly calm, given what what they told you. And the timeframe in which it was going to happen. Because this was not going to be a hey, we're gonna do this later. We're going to do this now.
John: Correct.
Steve: How do you face that with that kind of calm?
John: I don't know. The surgeon, both surgeons involved have asked me every time I see them. How did you so calmly do that? Because here's what happened. My surgeon was out of town. So this partner came in. And she said we've been monitoring and I forget what they call it, a certain level of stuff they were watching. On Friday, it was 4000. Saturday was like 8000, on Sunday it was 12,000. She came in, you can see she was worried. She says we have a problem. We're gonna have to amputate. And I'm thinking my foot. She goes, no, your leg above the knee. Now look at her, I go well, and she said, if we don't do it, this is going to get to your kidneys and kill you. I said well that makes it a pretty easy decision. So you're telling me amputation or die?
She said, that's correct. I said okay. When do we do this? She said as fast as I can get you in an OR. She's said probably an hour, hour and a half. I said, okay, you got things to do, I got people to call. See you there. So she never even sat down. Came around, went out, and about an hour and a half later, and they're prepping me and we go. And all I can attribute it to is over the years I have trained myself to not agonize and worry about stuff when presented with a problem. And I will tell you, a lot of that goes back to military training, martial arts training, fitness. At one time, I weigh 284 pounds. And one day I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired and started working on that being mentally and physically tough. And we talked about mindset all the time.
I think it came down to two things Steve. That I had developed a mental mindset that I will not, I will not give up. I did not say I will not fail. You will fail. I have failed today. I've failed a dozen times today. Let me explain. So when you're in therapy, the first time they give you something new to do, it's damn near impossible to do it properly the first time. Because it's brand new, you got on the one leg with the crutches and a new leg. So I'm having to learn and reset and rebalance and rethink everything. Nothing's assigned. But what motivated me through this has been getting back what I lost.
What did I lose? Dancing with my lady, long walks to the lake, riding my bicycle all the way down to the St. Mark's and back. 32 mile round trip. Martial arts, fishing, hunting with family members. So I want that back. So to get that back, I have to do whatever it takes, that's necessary to get stronger and stronger. Because now just to walk, I have to tighten my glutes real hard and use my thigh. So we're working on muscles that right now they're hurting, there's from a good soreness from working out. But I'm having to relearn everything. And that's a huge smile on there. It's a total. So total mental readjustment.
Steve: Well I would imagine it literally is working. Learning to walk all over again, start starting from scratch.
John: Yes, yeah, definitely. Definitely. But I've had good people around me, which is another thing I would say is key to success no matter what you do, in your personal life, or in your business life. Yeah, we talked about this from Dan Sullivan. The four freedoms, and I put him in this, relationships, time, energy and money. You could poke me in the ribs at four the morning. What are the what are the four freedoms? Relationships, time, energy money. If I don't have good relationships, I don't really need time and energy do I? Don't need much money either. So everything you put in front of me, I'm going to run through those four filters, including my amputation.
Okay, so what did this do to my energy level? Well, dropped it a little bit. Money didn't bother me, because I had a good team around me to help support me. And that would be April, Jay and Zac and Audie. So I had good people around me. I consider you part of our team, you were there for me. So what is your support group like? Relationships. And those people that are so independent, I don't anybody, well, you're full of crap. You do need people around you. So put the ego on the shelf and accept the fact that we all need each other. We all need someone in our lives, that we can trust and depend upon. And we should be there for them when they need that trust. And so forth.
And then time. So this is taking a lot of time, it was three hours a day of therapy for nine days in a row in the hospital. It's taken a huge amount of energy, I've had to summon a lot of energy to deal with it. And most of my therapies now, as outpatient are an hour and a half, sometimes two hours. And I'll be doing that for about eight weeks. And I've made a determination whatever it takes. That's the number one goal. There's nothing, nothing, including family. Nothing nobody more important than me being able to walk with this prosthesis, without the aid of crutches. That is numero uno, everything else business, everything else takes a backseat.
Steve: Almost like what they tell you in the airplane, you have to put your oxygen mask on first.
John: Absolutely.
Steve: You have to be capable of helping someone else you have to get yourself capable of helping someone before you.
John: And that is the approach I use. And I tell a story. Probably no exaggeration, three, four times a week. And I've been telling it for years and people would say, well, let's have breakfast at 6:30, 7 o'clock on Monday, Wednesday or Friday. What would I say. I can't do it. I'm in the gym at six sharp. 45 minutes with a trainer that I've had for six years, then another one after him. Because the mindset was I had to take care of myself first because remember, at one time I weighed 284. When I weighed Wednesday, I weighed 224.6. And that's including 20 pounds of hardware on me.
Steve: So let's, let's talk a little bit about developing that mindset.
John: Okay. By the way, folks, we don't have a script here so I don't know where he's going to go with these questions.
Steve: Yeah, well, I don't either. So we're working without a net. But it occurs to me that you've developed that skill of sort of resetting and refocusing at a level that most people have not. At least most of the people that I've met.
John: I would agree with that most people around me when I try to explain it, they look at me like I got three heads. They don't get it.
Steve: You, I know you've intentionally worked on this, and you worked on it really for a long time. What are some of the things that you have done that have contributed to being at a place where when they deliver that news on that Sunday, you're calm and focused?
John: I think it's two things. And I think everyone listening has the power to do this. They can snap their fingers like that. And be on their way. I don't think is any great revelation. I think it's two things. I think number one is taking care of yourself, getting physically fit. Because if you're physically fit to where you're you have good cardio, you have good strength. And I don't mean bulking up and being like a big muscle man. I don't mean that at all. I just mean that you, you're fit. Here's what I would call functionally fit, that you can bend over and pick something up. Today the lady thought she was going to have some fun with me, the therapist, Judy is her name.
She takes my crutches from me and she puts them on floor. She says what are you going to do now? I said bend over and pick them up. She goes, there's no way you just did that. She wasn't expecting. I got two of us, and I didn't touch anything. She says okay, let me see them. So she put one here and one over there. What are you going to do now? Bent over and picked up the first one, I reached out with it and pulled the other one to me. She goes, damn. Okay, and I said what else? And then later she puts a, like little barrier thing like a bolster in front of me and she stood on it. So I couldn't move it. So I just walk up to it, put my crutches in front of it, stepped over it. Put the crutches over it. Brought the prosthesis over and she goes, I would never had thought you do that. Where'd you learn that? Practicing on curbs. Every time I park my truck there's a curb along the opposite. I got to practice that.
What if there's no wheelchair ramp? What if there's no easy way to get out? I've got to do the walk up a step with a curb. So I've been practicing. So I would say two things. Work on your physical fitness to the point of you are comfortable, you're balanced, you can bend over and you can do the things you need to do. You have your balance. Because if you work on the physical side, the mental side will get real tough. That's why in military, I was in the Air Force. There was eight weeks at the time, the basic training. Don't knw what it is nowadays. Played football in high school, I had to cut tough coaches right in your face screaming at you all the time. So early on, I did a lot of hard work. Loading watermelons, loading hay, loading bulk wood. So I've always had someone of the physical mentality of doing what it takes.
And then just over time, I started reading everything I could get on understanding how the mind works, and reprogramming your brain. Now, I've done that from day one in my business. 1975. You've see my library, and books like I just gave you by David Goggins, Can't Hurt Me. So anything and everything I'm getting my hands on written by a special operations people like Navy SEALs, Green Berets. I read that understand it as much as I can. We're not in combat. We're not in combat, literally. But we're in combat every day. There's crap happening all around us every day that we have to deal with and, and get our work through. And some people are locked up right now? They go home. I have a friend who lives in my subdivision. She has not been out of our house other than going to Publix straight back for a year. Well, she's March of last year. That's a year and a half.
Steve: Wow.
John: She has been out for home she told me six times. Six. To go somewhere. Because a lot of times her sister, her daughter would bring her food.
Steve: Let's talk about that for a second. I'm guessing the reason she's stuck in her home is fear?
John: Absolutely.
Steve: So let's let's talk about fear. Because
John: Oh, I've had some fear over the last few weeks, few months. Let's talk about fear. Go ahead, what do you want to talk about it?
Steve: Well, I think that's if we break down the mindset piece of it. Like you can get into all of these tricks and all these things. And you can think that it has to take a long time to develop the skill. And I did for a long time until I realized that largely it's just a decision and the decision can be made in an instant. And you need a couple of things to be able to make the decision. Number one, you need to understand that you have the power to make the decision. And number two, you need to understand what the decision is. And so for me, the way that I look at that is that when I'm presented with something that creates the emotion of fear, that feeling of fear, I first need to recognize that I'm feeling that and then I ask the question, is this real? Does this? Because there are times when you should be afraid, you know, somebody puts a gun to your head. You're probably that fear at that point is probably a somewhat healthy reaction.
John: I would say so.
Steve: Right, you know, a lion shows up at your front door and the door's open. That's that might be a time to say, fear would be the appropriate reaction.
John: Absolutely.
Steve: But, you know, for most of us, who are going to listen to this, who are living in the first world, in no matter where you are in your journey, you're if you're if you're living in the first world, you're probably among the wealthiest people that have ever lived on the planet.
John: Absolutely.
Steve: There are very few things in our day to day lives that create that kind of need for that fight or flight, fear. But some of the stuff we go through just in business can reveal itself that way to us. It manifests that way in our minds. And so it's, is this real? And if it's not real, then why don't I just stop reacting to it as if it were?
John: Somewhere early on in my career, first year in my in business, I learned that fear stands for false evidence appearing real. I'll say it again, false evidence appearing real. And I actually created a speech where I talked about fear. And I tied it to football. Okay, so quarterback has a football, he's got a run and all the sudden he looks out and there's this big old linebacker who's got an F on his chest. And then E, A and R. So I'll get to the story now, but as he hit, he realized they disappeared. They dissolved. And most times, it just takes what you just said.
Number one, I call rebalancing. Okay, I've got to rebalance. Okay what happened here. Something's not right. And in the martial arts, I will tell you that and we're taught, okay, get your bearings, what happened? What's the threat? Can I deal with that threat? Am I capable. And we're taught first to avoid it. If you can't avoid it, run if you can. But if you have to engage, you know what your game plan is, and don't back down. If you got you've got to engage, get it done. And get it done quickly. And I learned that in the ring kickboxing in Thailand, I don't recommend anyone go do that. By the way. I was stupid and young, at 20 years old doing that.
But the same thing you you knew you knew for a fact, when you crawled in the ring, that you were going to get hurt. Because you're gonna get kicked, punched, and elbowed, and all that was legal. So you knew that going in. Okay, but if you're walking down the street, and all of a sudden some thug comes at you, you're not expecting that because you live in the United States of America thinking that you're safe. But it's not just physical threats. It's financial threats. A lot of people are going through a lot of pain right now, a lot of adversity, because of this pandemic. A lot. A lot of people are fearful and justifiably. But some people are living in fear, and allowing fear to control them, when they could change that in about a nanosecond, if they would just choose to do so.
Steve: You know, and it's not easy.
John: I agree. It's not easy. It's simple. It's just not easy.
Steve: You know, because once you recognize that, that you are feeling the fear, there is a cause for it usually. And while that might not be an immediate existential threat, although in your case it was. I mean, you are gonna cease to exist, right?
John: Within hours.
Steve: Within hours if you hadn't dealt with it. But, you know, I think it's, it's a matter of recognizing, getting rid of the emotion of it, so that you can then focus and deal with what's in front of you, and begin to move through it.
John: And that's the hard part. The hard part is letting go and separating the emotional side from the decision making side. That's what I'm battling every day now. I got frustrated this morning. People can't see me but I'm wearing, I wear shorts most of the time, because it's very difficult to and I have three pair of dress slacks that I've had the right leg cut at the knee and hemmed, and a pair of jeans and one pair of khakis. Because sometimes I'll put om the long pants. But the way it is with this prosthesis pretty much I have to wear shorts for the time being. I'll get to the point where I can wear the pants, but it's a pain because the leg has to go on before I can put the clothes on, the pants on and it this morning. I just wanted to take the damn leg and throw it out the window. Back door. That wouldn't be good.
So I sit there, and my style is I'll just tell people my style is all fuss and cuss for a minute and I'll say screw it. Let's get it done. And I love Richard Branson's book, Screw It, Let's Do It. And as it comes of time we use get a good dose of competitive anger and you say, damnit, I'm not going to give up. And you go for it. But I want to go back to this fear for a minute, or, or a fear or a like this, a negative life event. The first thing we should do is teach ourselves to stop. What's going on? What am I feeling what is happening? Accept where we are. For a long time, I was one of these guys because of the martial arts training and all that in Thailand and later in life a little cocky.
You know, I was trained, you talked about a gun a while ago. I was trained if you put a gun on my forehead, I take it away from you. Come at me with a knife or a baseball bat, it was mine. I have to accept the fact I'm not as fast as I was before. Even forget about the amputation. I'm 68 years old. Be 69 in December. So we have to accept the fact where some people can't, but along the way wise people accept the fact that they have limitations. And you learn how to adjust. So we have to accept the reality, and then have a new game plan to allow us to move forward. But I want to talk about failure for a minute, go back to that. Those nine days, that I was in that rehab hospital.
So I had three hours of work then I had 21 hours of reading, sleeping, resting. I'll bet you those nine days, I didn't watch four hours of television. I read two books from cover to cover. Made a lot of notes. Pads like this, dictation pads like that, and journals. Determining what the hell I wanted to be when I grow up. So what does the future look like? I don't think we spend time thinking about the present. And the future. Most of us are so hung up on the past and compare our life to the past. And I like to think and again, I don't know who I learned this from, you can look in the rearview mirror, or you can look through the windshield. The windshield is much bigger and it's looking forward. Rearview mirror is the past. Now driving, you got to use both to know what's around you. But there comes a time see, we just have to accept the fact that hey, this is not good. This is not good.
Having my leg cut off was not a good event. A lot pain, a lot of tension in personal relationships. Cost me a relationship that's very dear to me. Set me back some. But on the financial side, everything is sound because I had everything in order. Good team around me to support. And my number one goal about 10 years ago was to work on what happens to my clientele, if something happened to me and I died, became totally disabled, or truly wanted to walk away and retire. And I've been very blessed to build a team around me of people who are loving, caring professionals, they love our clients, clients love them. So I didn't have to worry about my clients being taken care of. I didn't have to worry about money, since back in March. Because I have a team around me to help me. I have the infrastructures and support team. But I think all that's important. I think all that's very important. And things will go wrong. They will go wrong.
Steve: I think that's just the nature of the world. And certainly if your business if you're not a crackerjack problem solver, you're gonna be in for a world of hurt. I mean.
John: Or surround yourself with people who are. I'm so proud of April, she did something, yesterday we did a webinar and she wanted to try something new. I said go for it. She did and it was very successful. But we have to be willing, as business owners to have people around us that are smarter than us and are willing to do things differently than we are. And we have to have the courage to allow them to do it. Knowing they're going to make a mistake. We make mistakes. Coming along.
Steve: I don't know what you're talking about.
John: I'm sorry, Mac Davis wrote a song about you. Oh, Lord, I can't wait. Look in the mirror. I get better looking each day. You're so humble.
Steve: Yeah, I resemble that remark. So, you've been working now to really focus your mind on dealing with the adversity that's in front of you and move beyond it, overcome it. I think you've been quite successful, honestly. I mean, I I know that this the medical professionals and therapists that you're working with can't believe the progress that you've made. I nicknamed you the most productive man in rehab. Rehab. I think that was the second time around because you sold a piece of property, bought a truck, sold two trucks. And I think at that point, business wise, your numbers were either equal or maybe a hair below or maybe a hair above, but not so much either direction that you could have even told. You couldn't tell from the outside that you've not been at the office for about six months at that point. And I've noticed all through this time, you have been focused more than ever on strengthening that mindset.
John: Because I can't afford to have a lapse in that. It's more important now than ever.
Steve: Now, have you had any lapses?
John: Oh, yeah, I've had two meltdowns. Yeah. They, the first one was at my lady's kitchen counter. I'm sitting there on a barstool and all of a sudden tears just came out of nowhere. Just flowing down my cheeks. Her name is Susie, she said, are you okay? I said I'm fine. She came around behind me, put her arms around me. Said you'll get through this, you'll be fine. And I don't know what it was. I just was just sobbing for just a few minutes, then I was fine. Almost like brushed it off and was good. Don't know where the hell that came from but it did. Second was in the second rehab. When I was working on a machine called a new step. It's a recumbent, recline, elliptical. And I've been on the thing a dozen times. I get on it. My right leg that was been amputated, involuntarily, just raised up on it's own, without me trying to do a thing with it, to go into the stirrups to pedal.
Steve: As if it was putting your foot that's no longer there in place.
John: That's correct. And just tears just started flowing then. So I stop. I'm just sitting there. I didn't realize it. But one of the therapists that was assigned to me, she saw what happened. She came over put some tissues in front of me. Says you want to talk about what just happened? I said I do. She said, you know what happened? I said I know what happened. The brain thinks my left foot is still there. And it was fitting it up on the stirrup because the left foot. She said that's right. She said you want to talk about it? What's there to talk about? I know what happened. I know why it happened. Now I can do it. She said why do you think it's so emotional? I said because it absolutely was so unexpected. Kind of blew my mind. But those those are some of the things where and I've had some anger.
I've had two times where I'm just madder than hell. one was putting on clothes. I had a foot on my dresser. I wanted to go to the office, look good because I've been in working. Not like I disappeared forever. So I've been in the office quite a bit as of yesterday. Two client meetings and a webinar. Yesterday. I was trying to put on my pants and I couldn't get the pants. Didn't have the prosthesis then so I got mad. I took the pants off, threw them in the corner. Took the dress shirt off threw it in the corner. Girlfriend was by me. She goes, you feel better? I said actually, I do. This shirt I have on, fishing shirt, and pants to that big wide legs is what I've been wearing is my new way to dress. Matter of fact was talking to Chris in our office, and I said just on what I'm wearing. He said I think you have earned the right to wear whatever you want to.
Steve: So we've talked a little bit about dealing with life's ambushes. But I want to talk now about what you've learned from life's latest ambush.
John: I've learned that it's okay to admit you can't do something. It's okay to accept help. It's okay to ask for help. I remember my friend Claire Rice telling me many, many years ago, two things. One was, the occasion was I gave a speech, big group of people, about 200 people at the time. And people were standing up applauding and I stepped off the stage real quick. Now fortunately, she was in the front row. So she steps up, grabbed me by the elbow, takes me back to the stage. And like points at me. Made me stand there. Now she had no role in this organization at all.
But she just took control. And afterwards she told me, she said don't do not walk away when people are praising you. Do not diminish that. And then one day she offered me something and I forget now what it was. I said no thank you. She said do not deprive me of my gift. I go what? She said I'm trying to do something for you. If you say no, you're depriving me of my gift to you. And for a period of time I forgot that during this. Because what's the mindset?
Steve: Gotta learn how to do it.
John: I got to learn how to do it, yeah. Help out at the truck when I drove up. What did you do? You offered to close in truck door. Yeah, you did get my bag for me. Normally that just got a little long strap that goes right around my neck and I keep on going. Because I can't have both hands free obviously with crutches and the crutches I use folks are forearm crutches, not under the arms. So the learning how to ask for help, pray, accepting help. Saying please, thank you. I've always been pretty good at those. But this is redoubled them. And also the wisdom part of it is realizing, really whatever comes your way you'll deal with it, you'll find a way to deal with it.
My favorite phrase right now is, I told it to the gentleman this morning, of one of the therapists, he's just a massive man. Good God his shoulders are wider than mine and yours combined. Big old guy, and fit. about Six six, monster of a man. And he looked at me goes, there is no quit in you is there? I said, oh yeah. I said there's a little book called The Dip, you might want to read by Seth Godin and it talks about when to strategically quit. And there's basically three curves, it's on the dip, the, help me out here.
Steve: The cul de sac.
John: The cul de sac, thank you. And the cliff. If you know you're about to launch off the cliff, you might want to turn around and go back the other damn way. Don't keep doing that. And a cul de sac is the toughest one, folks. And this is what I've been dealing with on a personal side that Steve's intimately knows about because we've, because I've bugged the hell out of him about it. If you're on a cul de sac, it simply means you're doing the same old thing going around a circle, going around a circle. And when you catch yourself doing that, get off of the cul de sac. You know, get out, get off it, or a round about.
Probably better way to think about it. And then the dip is where there's a learning curve. And there's a huge learning curve I'm discovering, and from the time you strap on a prosthesis that weighs about 20 pounds, it feels like it was 100 pounds, by the way, lifting it up. Big learning curve just on how to get it on properly. And then how to stand up and learn how to use it. I'm nowhere near got that perfected. I've been working on that three hours a day for nine days. And then an hour and a half a day, three days this week. So I got a lot to learn.
Steve: It's been amazing to watch anything before we wrap up, John, that we haven't touched on that you wanted to share today?
John: Yes. I thought of something else, that I think is extremely important that I have to give Steve credit for one time really beating me up over. And as our friend Dan Sullivan wrote a book called Wanting What You Want. And Steve and I were in Orlando, actually Winter Park for one of his events. And I had went and purchased a strap for a Rolex watch. And the strap was like $175. And I was telling Steve about it. And I got kind of miffed at him because it felt like he thought I was either like trying to justify or rationalize it. Now I was just bragging about it I thought. And he says, want what you want. And what I'm learning more and more, and I'm a tad impatient with people who all I hear is tell me what they don't want. So in a business setting, tell me what you want.
And they start telling me all the things they don't want. I will say this every time and everyone on this call can use this personally and professionally. You're real clear Steve on what you don't want. And I'm glad you are, but I haven't heard one thing out of your mouth yet that would tell me what you want. What do you want? And I I'm wearing that question out. Even with myself. What do I want? I've got so much clarity now from being forced, forced to be bedridden. One time it was seven days. Second time, 12 days, and then being I don't want to say helpless. I don't like that word helpless. But needing people to help me do stuff that I'd rather do myself, even from the standpoint of bed, getting him to use bathroom by myself and not allowing somebody with a bedpan or bathing me.
They're like, it's our job. I know. But you know what, I'd rather do that myself. Thank you very much. So I was determined, but I just want to say, be clear on what you want, get clarity. I'm using that word clarity over and over and over. I need clarity. So I tell people, I learned this in the military. Tell me what you want. Show me, demonstrate it in other words, then let me do it. And in the world of speaking. Let me tell you what I'm going to tell you. Tell them and tell them what you told them. Good trial lawyers will tell you that. They can tell the jury, Mr. and Mrs. Jurors, here's what I'm going to demonstrate to you. They do it and they come back. And they summarize by saying, here's what we did. So get clarity on everything that you deal with. And if you don't have clarity back off for a moment, say what is it I want? Why am I doing this? I'm not doing this to please someone else.
It goes back to relationships again. Relationships, time, energy, money, like why am I doing it? You have earned a relationship with me. If you call me at four in the morning said John, I need you. Where the hell are you? John, I need $50,000. Where are you? How do I get it to you? So time energy money? Not a question. Okay, so there are people in your life that just because of the power and the strength of the relationship, the time, energy, money is not even a question. But you have to earn that. So, for me, all the things that you and I have been studying for a long time together, we've been we've been helping each other for a long time. We've been together for each other through a lot of stuff. The Good, the bad, and the ugly. But I'm realizing at a, I call it a gut level, I don't know if that's the right way to put it or not, but at a not just an intellectual level, but at a true physical gut level.
That all that stuff's important. And it's important to just keep on keepin on. That, if you don't have clarity on what you want, you might find that you're working your tail off wasting a lot of time and energy and money. That's not necessary. So for me, I'm just asking myself, what's the number one relationship? Me. I'm number one. And that sounds cocky and arrogant. Until you understand, it's like he said about the mask on the airplane. If I don't take care of me, first, I can't be a value to you, or anyone else. Can't be a value to my family, friends, clients. Take care of yourself. So I would end it with this. Get real clear on what you want in all areas of your life. I'll repeat the freedoms again, I would encourage you to embrace this, I would encourage you to go to strategic coach and get his book and learn it.
But relationship freedom, time freedom, money freedom, excuse me energy freedom I'd put it, and money. Money's last. I can get more money. And by the way, I used to say you can't get more time, that's not true. You can purchase time. I can buy other people's time. I can buy their energy, I can get more of my own energy by doing what? Relaxing, rest, eat properly, exercise, so I can create more energy. So one of the things we've been told, which is not true. People say you can't get more time. Yes you can. I can buy other people's time. I can trade my money for their time. I can trade some of my money for your energy. Makes sense.
Steve: Totally.
John: And that puts you in a position where you can present things you want. And I would end with one more thing. I'm glad we're doing this. Because there are a lot of things that we are dealing with now that are tough to deal with what's happening with the pandemic, with all of the divisiveness that we see around us. I see people in my rotary club and 100 Club, where you went when I spoke the other day for lunch. I see people that are arguing about stuff that in the scheme of things, they have no damn control over. And more and more people are asking me how can you be so calm about this particular problem, whatever. What can you do about it? When it comes to financial planning, retirement planning, I ask people, you appear to be worried about the global economy?
So let me ask you a question. What can you do about the global economy? US economy? The state economy? The local? You can't do a damn thing about that. You can go vote. If you don't like policymaking decisions. But there's only one economy you control. It's yours. You control how much you save. You control how much you spend. You may not control how much you earn, because you have a fixed salary, maybe. But you do control how much you spend, and how much you save. And it's the same thing with our energy and our time, we get to control that. So I would just simply say,I hope what we've covered today will help a lot of people. One of the things that I have decided that's most important to me, moving forward is how many people can we impact in a positive manner?
Through our recordings, our books. By the way I have a new book, thank you very much for that. I just think we have an obligation to help as many people as we can. And I love what our friend Dan says also, there are seven and a half billion people on the planet. I don't need all of them. I only want to work with the ones who want me. And if they don't want me, that's okay. But on that note, I will say thank you for doing this and taking the time out of your day to let us have this conversation.
Steve: Yeah, this has been great. Thanks for sharing and for being open. And, folks, I hope this has been beneficial. Regardless of which of the three podcasts you're you're listening on. If you're not already subscribed to one of those podcasts and you come across this recording, go to iTunes or your favorite podcast player and subscribe to either The unstoppable CEO podcast The Advisor Inner Circle podcast or John's Secure Retirement podcast. Until next time, we will we'll be moving forward won't we?
John: Absolutely.
Steve: Alright my friend. Thank you.
John: Thank you Steve.
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